Any break up is difficult. It’s even worse when there are children involved, and you need to try and be the bigger person, especially so you can be a suitable role model for them. But when the break up is so messy, and the fallout is so stressful, it can have a massive impact on your wellbeing. If you are going through a divorce and the partner verged on the abusive side or was plainly a horrible person, it can bring up a lot of pain in the process. What is the best way to deal with this so your children are shielded from the trouble, but it also doesn’t consume you completely?
You should try and embrace as much support as you can. No doubt you will have families or friends who can take the kids for an evening while you get your head together. In a stressful situation like divorce, especially when there are personal problems involved, you will be surprised how many people will come to you in your hour of need. Don’t forget that.
Sometimes the worry of the ex-partner means that you will want to run away from it all, and the pain and stress can be horrible. In those circumstances, if you have enough evidence amassed against them so you can remove visitation rights or make it just one day a month, the courts need to see that there is a suitable case for your claims to be founded. You can opt for undercover surveillance so you can build up a decent file to show that your ex-partner is not fit for your children. In the age of texts and emails, you can easily keep them all on file and make a note of times and dates when these incidents took place, whether over the phone, verbal, or physical, and they will all help towards your case.
If your children are not old enough to understand what is going on, it may seem like a sensible option to try and shield them completely from what is going on. But you need to remember that it will affect them in one way or another, purely because children can easily understand the bad feeling in the room. The best thing for young children is to do your best at keeping a decent baseline, and do what you normally do. That way, any change in the atmosphere can be minimized. It is a horrible thing to have to go through, and for older children that have a better understanding of what is going on, the important thing is to be honest throughout the whole process. They will notice if you are masking the truth, so there is no point in lying to them. They will need to deal with the situation in their own way, so it is important to ask them what you can do to help. They may want to be left alone, or they may want to talk about it. You need to respect their wishes.
Don’t neglect yourself throughout this too, it can be very easy to do so, and it’s also easier to say “I’m fine” when you’re not. Don’t be afraid of asking for help, whether it’s from friends, family, or a support helpline.